It is satisfying enough for me to say to my friends and family that medicine has never been my passion. But it is a long life process that took me years to answer that.
I went to med school without any expectation of what I was going to be. It was my naivete that by being an MD, I’ll get job easier compared to other profession or career. As I took a sip of academic life, I found that medicine is indeed interesting. I love basic sciences. It makes me think, it forces me to think. I also love the clinical science; pediatrics and tropical infections being the most interesting subjects.
But the problem is, I realized that I do not like the system. I do not like what is happening in the medical system right now. I met poor patients that can not afford to pay for medical treatment and they have to collect money (at the same time, “collecting their disease”) to get medical treatment. And by the time they went to the doctor, they thought that the disease would automatically cured. If it’s just a mere common cold or uncomplicated infections, I don’t mind bearing that kind of expectation. But the problem is, it’s not. Sometimes it’s liver cirrhosis, next time it’s breast cancer. And when they can not accept the reality of their disease, they said that the doctors are incompetent or the doctors are being inconsiderate because they have prepared a significant amount money.
On the other hand, the facade medicine has been influenced by expensively elaborate technologies, profit-oriented pharmaceutical companies, and the VIP rooms in hospitals. Health has become business. The poor are getting poorer, while the rich ones are getting richer. In my perspective, doctors are supposed to be able to bear this somewhat unjust reality (on a daily basis). Isn’t health are meant to be human rights? Isn’t medicine’s purpose of existence is to reduce suffering for the sake of humanity?
I’ve relinquished myself from medicine. I know now what I really want.